Hi guys,
I know I haven't posted in a while, and while I could blame it on being in San Diego and not having time to blog while I'm enjoying myself; I have to come clean. I've been in a depression for a little while now. I was excited for my vacation to see my sister graduate from college, but that wasn't enough to pull me out of my funk like I thought it would. I had to admit to myself that I'm frustrated and disappointed that I'm not losing as much weight as I thought I would by now. And things are tight for me financially right now, and that's an understatement. But, I'm so close...
I'm close to accomplishing some important goals in my life. My book Confessions for the Narrow Road: It's Within You, is about to be published in a few months and I'm so excited about it. I feel like I'm wrapping up one season in my life and about to open a new chapter as a published author, where I am promoting my book and enjoying being out there, making a difference. I believe wholeheartedly that my book will change the lives of those who approach it with anticipation that they can begin to make new choices in their lives and that it starts with them. The book has changed my life and it's not even out yet. I remember feeling really depressed one day and I knew I had to review some of the editing work that the publisher had done which required me to actually read some of the book. When I did, I was so encouraged by those words I had written, with some help from the Holy Spirit, that I came through that night feeling better and with more hope.
I really want to focus on bringing the book into correctional facilities, and starting a regular meeting around the devotional until we finish it. I want to see people gain perspective on the choices they make and that it's in their hands and ability to choose life! See as I write these words I'm encouraged and I remember what's driving me. I want my life to count. I want to make a difference. As I remember that, it's pulls me out of the funk I've been in long enough for me to get a grasp on what I'm doing, what I want and how I intend to get it. I'm not helpless. I have to learn to ask for help instead of expecting others to be a mind reader and see me struggling to tread water and ask if I need help. I need to speak up.
Back to the weight issue. I'll be honest, I started losing weight, about 13 pounds and I was ecstatic. Then a week went by and I got weighed at the hospital where I was getting my foot looked at (I learned that I have a bone spur and it's very painful - worse when I'm on my feet all day - which did contribute to the depression). The scale said 311! I was shocked, but calmed myself down by the fact that it's a different scale and may not be accurate. Well I went home and weighed myself and it said 314 and I nearly had a panic attack. What was happening! I thought I was doing so well. It was like a kick in my gut.
I had to come to terms with the fact that setbacks may be a part of this journey to lose the weight. I realize that I am sort of fighting an uphill battle because the meds I take for bipolar disorder actually cause weight gain, which is how I managed to gain 175 pounds in almost 6 years...granted I can't blame it all on the meds. I did struggle with overeating and eating too many sweets. I'm still struggling with that, but it's getting better. I weighed myself two days ago and I was back down to 307 pounds. I was encouraged that I am still going the right direction and I can't be too hard on myself when things don't seem like they are working out. I am determined to lose the weight and I'm determined to keep creating healthy recipes. I've created a few in the last two weeks and if I can remember what I did, I'll post them.
Today I'm choosing gratitude. Life may not be easy right now, but I believe it will get better. I'm grateful for friends and family. I'm grateful for opportunities. I choose hope...maybe you can too!
I know I haven't posted in a while, and while I could blame it on being in San Diego and not having time to blog while I'm enjoying myself; I have to come clean. I've been in a depression for a little while now. I was excited for my vacation to see my sister graduate from college, but that wasn't enough to pull me out of my funk like I thought it would. I had to admit to myself that I'm frustrated and disappointed that I'm not losing as much weight as I thought I would by now. And things are tight for me financially right now, and that's an understatement. But, I'm so close...
I'm close to accomplishing some important goals in my life. My book Confessions for the Narrow Road: It's Within You, is about to be published in a few months and I'm so excited about it. I feel like I'm wrapping up one season in my life and about to open a new chapter as a published author, where I am promoting my book and enjoying being out there, making a difference. I believe wholeheartedly that my book will change the lives of those who approach it with anticipation that they can begin to make new choices in their lives and that it starts with them. The book has changed my life and it's not even out yet. I remember feeling really depressed one day and I knew I had to review some of the editing work that the publisher had done which required me to actually read some of the book. When I did, I was so encouraged by those words I had written, with some help from the Holy Spirit, that I came through that night feeling better and with more hope.
I really want to focus on bringing the book into correctional facilities, and starting a regular meeting around the devotional until we finish it. I want to see people gain perspective on the choices they make and that it's in their hands and ability to choose life! See as I write these words I'm encouraged and I remember what's driving me. I want my life to count. I want to make a difference. As I remember that, it's pulls me out of the funk I've been in long enough for me to get a grasp on what I'm doing, what I want and how I intend to get it. I'm not helpless. I have to learn to ask for help instead of expecting others to be a mind reader and see me struggling to tread water and ask if I need help. I need to speak up.
Back to the weight issue. I'll be honest, I started losing weight, about 13 pounds and I was ecstatic. Then a week went by and I got weighed at the hospital where I was getting my foot looked at (I learned that I have a bone spur and it's very painful - worse when I'm on my feet all day - which did contribute to the depression). The scale said 311! I was shocked, but calmed myself down by the fact that it's a different scale and may not be accurate. Well I went home and weighed myself and it said 314 and I nearly had a panic attack. What was happening! I thought I was doing so well. It was like a kick in my gut.
I had to come to terms with the fact that setbacks may be a part of this journey to lose the weight. I realize that I am sort of fighting an uphill battle because the meds I take for bipolar disorder actually cause weight gain, which is how I managed to gain 175 pounds in almost 6 years...granted I can't blame it all on the meds. I did struggle with overeating and eating too many sweets. I'm still struggling with that, but it's getting better. I weighed myself two days ago and I was back down to 307 pounds. I was encouraged that I am still going the right direction and I can't be too hard on myself when things don't seem like they are working out. I am determined to lose the weight and I'm determined to keep creating healthy recipes. I've created a few in the last two weeks and if I can remember what I did, I'll post them.
Today I'm choosing gratitude. Life may not be easy right now, but I believe it will get better. I'm grateful for friends and family. I'm grateful for opportunities. I choose hope...maybe you can too!
Comments
Post a Comment