A Spiritual Journey

While I am on this journey to lose 100 lbs in 1 year, I recognize that I am also on a spiritual journey. This journey is for me to find more meaning and purpose in my life, with guidance from my higher power - Jesus Christ. Part of this journey involves publishing my devotional Confessions for the Narrow Road: It's Within You! My book is in the layout/design phase right now and the plan is for the book to come out this spring. I have a feeling that when my book comes out it will change my life and I want to be prepared for that as well.

On this journey I will hold onto who I am, as I recognize that I am become more, if that makes sense. I think I will become more like who I was created to be. I am currently reading Michelle Obama's book Becoming and as I read it I'm exploring the idea of what it means to change and to become something more as your life changes and calls you to come up higher. I believe that this is the kind of change I am about to experience. 

I believe that my book is going to change lives. As people read the devotional and go through the study guide, answering the questions will cause transformation to happen. One of the places I hope to see the greatest change is in jails, prisons and detention centers, first in Illinois and then beyond. The  devotional is about the power of the choices that we make and how the right choices can change our lives forever. I've written an piece, sharing on of my favorite confessions from the book and I'd like to share it with you now. I hope it will inspire you and also encourage you to buy the book when it comes out this spring. I would love to see the book used in churches for a small group, so think about that and be open to the possibility that you could host a small group and go through the devotional, using the video journal that I recorded to go with the book. 

Here is what reads like a journal entry. I hope it inspires you:

Confession: Every day is a life unto its own. Every day is a new day for grace to be received and to take mercy for when I miss the mark. I may not be perfect, but I am forgiven and I am blessed so I can be a blessing to all mankind. That is what I choose to focus on today.

Today’s focus is on a couple important things; understanding and accepting the fact that every day is a life unto its own, that I’m not perfect, but I don’t have to be and recognizing that I am blessed to be a blessing. Life is not easy and so many things happen on a given day that can set you on the course for success or failure; and it’s all about your attitude that determines which way things will go. As I begin this series of confessions I want you to think about what these confessions could mean to you. With each article, there will be a new confession that I’ll relate to having bipolar disorder. So, let’s begin!

I have a 9-year-old daughter. She is the light of my life, but sad to say we don’t live together. I see her two days a week and those are the best days of my week and sometimes the hardest, when I realize I must say goodbye until the following week. On those days, I choose to focus on my confession that “every day is a new day for grace to be received and to take mercy for when I miss the mark.” I say this because I need grace, I need that grace to help me accept the painful truth that bipolar disorder has taken something from me…the ability to be a full-time parent. I need mercy as I look for forgiveness for the mistakes that I have made during moments of mania.

I know I’m not perfect and I’m so relieved by the fact that I don’t have to be. I’m going to mess up, I’m going to struggle; but I know that God is with me and He has forgiven me. I admit there was a moment I had with my daughter, where I asked for her forgiveness for leaving her with a stranger while I was manic. I had to say, ‘mommy made a bad mistake and should have never left you with those strangers. Please forgive me, it was not okay.’ Then of course I had to do the next very difficult thing of forgiving myself. How could I do that? I didn’t feel like I deserved forgiveness for making such a terrible mistake while I was manic. I do realize that I was not myself and I was not in my right mind. However, I still had to face the truth of what happened. I have done that and I have taken that mercy for when I missed the mark.

Now I choose to focus on that fact that I can be a blessing if I am willing to be real with myself and others. I can be a blessing when I share my vulnerabilities with others and offer support when someone is having a rough day. I am blessed to be a blessing. I am grateful to God for how He has blessed me. I have a beautiful little girl who calls me mama and I’m so grateful to be her mama. I can be grateful for the blessings in my life and that is how I overcome having bipolar disorder, one day at a time, one good choice at a time.

As you read these words, what can you look at in your own life? What confessions can you make? If it applies, what has bipolar disorder taken from you and how will you choose to look at those situations that have brought you to where you are today. I hope you will receive grace, take mercy, and find the right perspective that leads to forgiveness and blessing. Until next time, choose life!


(The scripture that choosing life comes from is Deuteronomy 30:19, and it says: "Today I have given you the choose between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!" New Living Translation)